How to Stop Being Hard on Yourself

Life’s not easy, especially right now. If you’re like me, you beat yourself up over struggling to achieve your desires such as being confident, starting a business, or falling for the right person. This habit is quite common because it’s only human nature to want to fulfill your desires and in return, prove your worthiness and desirability through personal achievements. But when this habit creates a negative headspace when things you want are far out of reach, it’s necessary to take a mental step back and reflect instead of reacting. Here are five helpful reminders to be less hard on yourself.

Rejection is Good for You

Being hard on yourself is feeling like you’ll never measure up to your standards, and in return blame life setbacks as your fault. The “I never feel good enough” phrase is a reaction of this self-blame, and results in a mental cycle that tells your subconscious to doubt your future. This is derived from a lack of belief in yourself rooted in past experiences or thoughts.

Rejection and failure suck and are a blow to the ego, but they are necessary parts of life. If you always got what you wanted, you wouldn’t appreciate a hard work ethic, or develop a thicker skin in times of larger rejections. You would likely not develop as much inner confidence and drive, and instead rely on achievements and external validation.

Yes, it sucks when you don’t land that job position or hear your crush say, “I like you too”. But being hard on yourself is a different story. It’s your mind saying you don’t have good enough qualities and hesitate from taking risks from the fear of failure. However, rejection isn’t avoidable so if you release expectations of the outcome, you can fully release doubt in your abilities while improving them. You can’t control what happens to you, but you can control how you react to it. It’s better to try and be proud of yourself that you tried instead of wondering what if.

Patience is Key

Being patient is tough, especially when instant gratification runs this society. Expectations develop at certain ages, and it’s tough not being certain where life is going, especially in this pandemic. The lack of jobs impedes career paths, so patience is crucial.

But measuring where you are, where you want to be and the gap between it is what digs you into a hole of negativity.

To erase this gap, you must replace it with gratitude and smaller steps instead of focusing on your lack. It’s important to learn to be at peace of where you are to achieve your goals, in your own time. By being in a more relaxed state of flow, things are easier and more fun to get done. Focus on little steps at a time. The rewards will be satisfying by making progress no matter how small they may be. You can even write down your accomplishments to validate your progress to build confidence.

Beat Comparison

Sometimes, people get things they want easier than others and that can create envy. Such as a loving relationship or a dream job. It’s common to want what other people have when you’re not receiving them as easily, but it’s a choice to focus on better thoughts to feel content in life. When you’re in a state of contentment, external things don’t affect you as much as if you were in a state of lack.

Being content is possible by shifting lacking thoughts into grateful ones, such as “I’m proud of myself for (completing task A) today” instead of “I wish I had what she has” it shifts your perspective into your path and reality instead of fantasy that goes nowhere but your mind.

If it makes you feel better, mute people on Instagram that are constantly showing off. Know that it’s a healthy rather than a petty action. If social media consumes your everyday life, it can easily affect your mood for up to a whole day, or for however long it lingers for.

Making Mistakes is OK

Unless you’re inhumane, it’s common to avoid looking bad, stupid, or inadequate. You want to protect your sense of self that you want to deem as good and right, and as do I. Making mistakes can act as a threat to your character which makes you want to avoid making mistakes at all costs. It makes you feel bad when you hurt someone’s feelings, or if you don’t do something morally right.

Although It’s normal to regret what you did, it’s important to forgive yourself. The only way you learn is by making mistakes which in turn grows you and makes you a better person. Mistakes are vital to develop a stronger sense of self and deal with situations better in the future. If the mistake wasn’t made, actions could be repeated with worse consequences. Appreciate what you did wrong, so you learn how to forgive yourself and others, and make it right the next time.

What Would You Say to a Friend?

Many people maintain close relationships by exchanging their highs and lows. Praising your friends and supporting them is key to a lasting relationship. Fighting constantly or putting them down would ruin that friendship, and both sides would probably feel drained and tired of it. However, most who want to stay on good terms would try and savor that friendship and work to reconcile it. The relationship with yourself works the same way.

Treat yourself as your own best friend. As it’s normal to get into arguments sometimes in close relationships, it’s ok if you’re battling your thoughts at times when you’re frustrated with yourself. But you wouldn’t tell your friend bad things when they’re upset. You would give them advice, lift them up and point out good things about them.

This takes time to get to a place where you begin to reflect rather than react to something out of your control. To stop being hard on yourself, use these reminders. They can interrupt negative thought patterns that are easily triggered through past experiences. During this uncertain time, it’s hard to get a job, start dating, or even leave the house to get groceries. It’s a new normal that everyone is still adjusting to. It’s important to let yourself feel to release stress, but at the same time try to challenge your thoughts and have more self-compassion.